funny facebook statuses

My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker... Well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend just yet.

My mum thinks WTF means wow that`s fantastic...Today I texted her: Mum I got an A on my English test...my Mum said: WTF see you at dinner.

Everyones middle name should be, motherfuckin...try it. Doesn`t it sound so great?

Being a baby is getting drunk, everybody remembers what you dir except you...

Ideals are peaceful, history is voilent. Fury

"I love bad b*tches..." - Me

A good laugh and some sleep are the two best cures ✌

Don`t forget to tell your mom, I said thanks for the spankin!

On facebook a guy can post "I love my girl" and that will get all his "numerous girlfriends" excited.

I`m not saying she`s a slut. I`m just saying that she`s been on more weiners than ketchup...