Pick a facebook status

Being a baby is getting drunk, everybody remembers what you dir except you...

do your eyes ever randomly go out of focus and then you are too lazy to focus them back in and just stare at nothing for a while? :)

When the teacher calls on you and your hand wasn`t up

Stop complaining about being single on valentines day. We have bigger problems here, like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30

I don`t care what anyone says, money does buy happiness

i’m thankful my childhood was filled with imagination & bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and how many damn likes u get on a pic

me: better check my phone for texts from friends
me: *checks phone*
me: better get some friends

us men think we want sex all the time until we meet a girl that wants sex all the time. start asking her gay shit like "damn, u not tired?"

#Awkward #Translations : Parker Pen`s slogan "It won`t leak in your pocket and embarrass you" in Mexico: "It won`t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

LIKE IF wearing an oversized shirt and no pants is probably the most comfortable thing in life