Pick a facebook status

Some times the person you would take a bullet for would be the one behind the gun </3

Boy: "Granny, have you seen my pills? They`re marked LSD"....
Granny: "Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

So many friendships end with “we just stopped talking.”

Well aren`t you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"

When cooking with oil, place a pop corn kernel in the oil. You`ll know your oil is hot enough when the kernel pops.

Singing releases a large amount of endorphins in your brain and can make you feel better almost instantly

Spiders hate peppermint oil. Put some in a squirt bottle + water and spray your garage and all door frames.

Use baby powder to easily remove sand stuck to you when at the beach.

If you type "do a barrel roll" into your Google search, the whole page will spin. Try it!