Pick a facebook status

when we were all small getting hit in the butt meant we were naughty ... as an adult getting hit in the butt means you want to get naughty

I ask my girlfriend what would she like to eat and she replied with " FIVE GUY "

That awkward moment when you realize your parents love your friend more than they love you.

Keep your secrets to yourself,your best friend has another bestfriend

Never forget your friends when you`re in a relationship.

Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.

Stay up late. Regret it in the morning. Repeat.

Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald�s doesn�t serve breakfast after 10:30.

I really miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like bitch whatever.

Then Satan said, "Let there be math."