Pick a facebook status

"Police, open up!" "No, you`re gonna yell at me..."

If you`re stuck in the Friendzone, here`s a simple 5-step solution: 1) Stop. 2) Being. 3) Her. 4) F-cking. 5) Bitch.

LIKE IF Waving to the security cameras when you walk into a store.

My two moods include hungry and ugly.

That annoying moment when your friend is a friend with the person you hate

Men: Uses love to get sex. Women: Uses sex to get love. Me: Uses coupons to get pizza.

"You tweet a lot" ... "Bitch, it`s TWITTER."

Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you`re in an argument you`ll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.

"This is NOT an assignment you could do the night before." Challenge accepted.

If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, then I`d be a millionaire <3