Pick a facebook status

some people are as useless as the `ay` in okay.

I`ve asked about you, and They`ve told me things, But My mind didn`t change, I still feel the same

Police Officer : Excuse me Miss, Whats your name ?
Me : Uhh .. I dont remember
Him : *Sigh* Alright then .. Where do you live ?
Me : With my parents ...
Him : Where do your parents live ?
Me : With me ..
Him : Where do you guys live
Me : Together ...
Him Getting angry : Where is your house ?
Me : Next to my neighbors house
Him : Where is your neighbors house ?
Me : Next to my house ..

Halloween - Candy
ThanksGiving - Food
Christmas - Gifts
NewYear - Drinks
Valentines - Sex
Birthday - All Of The Above

A penis has a sad life. his hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an a-hole, his best friend is a pussy and his owner beats him.

Kissing a girl on the cheek = (good). Kissing girl in the mouth = (awesome). Kissing girl in front of her ex = (boss).

Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.

They say “don’t drink and drive” but yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. It made me feel dangerous!

Words are like water - easy to spill, hard to recollect.

A real girlfriend doesn`t complain while her boyfriend is on his Xbox. She sits there and yells, "Kill that bitch!!